Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
