I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
