just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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