shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
