allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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