Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
