take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
