Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
