Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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