Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
