right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
