Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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