what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
