So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
