in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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