If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
