I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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