If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love having hate sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
