I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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