Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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