I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you traded sex for a burrito?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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