their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
