im having a threesome with these popsicles
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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