I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
