My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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