"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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