Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
