I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
