I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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