I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
