forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
