also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know her cup size but not her name....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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