what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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