ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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