pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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