I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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