Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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