I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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