Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
