dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I met the friendliest cop last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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