just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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