If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
