For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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