he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
