Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
