Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize