If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
