I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
