let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
