Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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