I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
