i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
