id be glad to
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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