How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
