high people should be assigned attendants
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
