you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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