....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
