whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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