dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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