OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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