I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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