All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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