Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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