There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
