Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
