I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
