I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
