I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
