Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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