but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
