are you still at the devil's house?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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