the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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